I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
