Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just google imaged poop.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
