the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
