grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
