i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
