So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
