We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
