we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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