thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
