a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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