Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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