Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
