if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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