Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I FOUND THE LEGS
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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