dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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