So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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