I wish I could teleport
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
