so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
