toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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