thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
