Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
