beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
