i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
