She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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