you guys were way drunker than both of me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
