Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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