Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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