Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
is wine microwaveable?
nutella sex= disaster
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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