Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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