mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
