Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
