I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
