My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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