anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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