so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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