i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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