I think i peed on brittanys purse
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
