just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
