one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
