Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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