i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
