i barfeds in our rink
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
