you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
