I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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