The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
