Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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