i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
