New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
