You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
