I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
