I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have aggressive nipples.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
