I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
