like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
