please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
