Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize