If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
