Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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