no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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