yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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