4 words: hood of his car
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
