Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
50% drunk capacity currently
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
