why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm bleeding and have questions
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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