They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
