Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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