I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
