no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
