With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Is it because I queefed?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
