He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
