that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
