so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
