he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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