HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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