1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
