i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
