the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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