apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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