I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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