Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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