did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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