your parents love me but you hate me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize