I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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