Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
