oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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