I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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