Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
