I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
