I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
