I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
