Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
