how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
