i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
