So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
