I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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