I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
