Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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