every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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