Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
