Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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